The A Behind Anxiety ~ This Is Quite A Long Post

I have been absent from my blog for a while, I have been sick and I have been sick and tired. Which has really stressed me out and made my anxiety much worse. It all started with what I first thought was just a cold, I didn’t go to the doctor because the first week I was not running any fever I just felt really bad. Then came the second week and I started running a fever, my kidney‘s were really starting to hurt and my blood sugar levels were going crazier than usual. It wasn’t a really high one, my normal is 97.4 to 97.6 and it never gets any higher than that unless I am have some kind of infection. So anyway, it got up to 99.3 which I guess would equal 100.3 for a normal person? Luckily, I was able to get an appointment at our family doctor though it was not with the doctor but her physician’s assistant. The did a urinalysis, which came back with a few white cells, and sent me home with a Rx for Cipro.

I took the Cipro for three days and I was still running around a 100.3 temp, not to mention my ears were ringing like crazy and my eyes were burning. I called the doctors office and told them what was going on and they told me to quit taking the Cipro and called me in a Rx for Microbid. By this time it was almost the weekend, they told me to go to the emergency room if the temp got any worse or if I was feeling worse. It took until that Sunday night before I was back down to almost my normal temp. So, that Monday morning I called and got an appointment with the “doctor”. She redid the urinalysis and this time it was completely normal but, my temp was going back up again. She told me to stay on the new anti-biotic and see the OB/GYN to see if possible my bladder was falling and causing all of this? Luckily, I had suspected the bladder falling and had already made an appointment with yet a new OB/GYN and it was later this same day. She also sent me home with the following; pro-biotic, digestive enzymes and a omega-3. I took one of the omega-3 that night and then one the following morning. Within 30 minutes or so of taking the second omega-3, my ears were itching and I was itching from head to toe. I have taken omega-3’s before with out any problem but, I looked on the bottle and these have pharmaceutical strength “fish oils”. I am highly allergic to iodine, fish and shellfish! So, I called the doctors office and the directed me to take Benadryl. It wound up taking all day and that night to get the allergic reaction to stop.

I get to the new OB/GYN and one of his first questions was, “why are you on all of these medications?” At this point he had not seen all of my crazy diagnosis’. He checked my bladder and didn’t seem to think that it was falling (much less anything else) but, could not explain the fever, kidney’s or the blood sugar issue. I asked him about all of the other OB/GYN’s telling me that I needed a hysterectomy for various falling issues and he said that while I did not need a hysterectomy now that I would in the next ten years or so… He did want to do an endometrial biopsy (EMB) to rule out endometrial cancer. This due to my history with cancer, my mother having breast cancer twice and a family history of endometriosis. We scheduled the EMB for the following week.

In between all of this going on, I get a letter from the social security judge and my attorney. The judge turned me down for social security benefits’ and then my attorney refused to file the appeal for me. All of this caused me to have one of my worst anxiety attacks in the past two years. This was only second to when my mother passed away, that one was a big one, not the biggest but I will save that for another post. I couldn’t breath, I thought that I was going to pass out, I was nauseous and a major hot flash. Anyway, I don’t think that the judge addressed all of my issues much less all of my “social security approved” issues. Had I never had an anxiety attack, I think that this would have brought one on! I mean come on, how many people that are not chronically sick go to the doctor 10 out of 12 months of the year? I think that it is a safe bet to say, ZERO! I am trying to find a new attorney now to file the appeal for me, I will keep you posted on this.

I told my husband about the biopsy and the social security mess. He assured me that everything would work out with the social security and told me that he would go with me to the biopsy. I told him that I was a big girl and could go by myself but he insisted that he was going with me. The biopsy wasn’t as bad as I thought that it would be but, I am glad that he went with me. More than likely the biopsy will turn out normal but, the idea of having yet another cancer terrifies me. Endometrial cancer unlike follicular thyroid cancer, you don’t just cut it out and take one radioactive iodine pill and be done with it. This time I could have to deal with chemo and radiation. Even though, I have one of the best oncologist in Dallas (he also saved my husbands life when he almost died from stage IV Hodgkin’s lymphoma), I really would rather not have to go though chemo and radiation. I really could not ask for a better husband. He is my best friend and very supportive. I am sure that he gets tired of all of my freakiness at times but, he is always there to take care of me. I really do appreciate that, I don‘t think that I could deal with all of this without his support. Next week I get the results of the biopsy so, I am really not looking forward to the results. More and more added stress.

Now back to the main topic of this post, Anxiety… While I don’t think that anxiety is the cause of all of my problems, I do think that the stress of constantly being sick, the doctors not really being able to pinpoint the cause of my autoimmune issues, etc. All of this just adds to my anxiety issues. Not to mention, I can tend to be a bit of a control freak. Not the typical control freak but, if I feel that I have no control of a situation I wind up having an anxiety attack. After looking at the WebMD page on anxiety, the main symptom that jumped out at me was “fear of dying” this never entered my mind before loosing my mother. Not that I think that I am going to die, it is more the fear of leaving my children behind. I was 39 when I lost my mother, that was hard enough. I would never want to put my children though that and I guess that is my biggest fear.

I am still hopeful that the biopsy will turn out negative and I will be able to get the social security decision reversed. I will let you know about the biopsy next week. I have several doctors appointments so, I am sure that I will be posting several (that is as long as I am not completely wiped out). But, the social security will be whenever……