The A Behind Anxiety ~ This Is Quite A Long Post

I have been absent from my blog for a while, I have been sick and I have been sick and tired. Which has really stressed me out and made my anxiety much worse. It all started with what I first thought was just a cold, I didn’t go to the doctor because the first week I was not running any fever I just felt really bad. Then came the second week and I started running a fever, my kidney‘s were really starting to hurt and my blood sugar levels were going crazier than usual. It wasn’t a really high one, my normal is 97.4 to 97.6 and it never gets any higher than that unless I am have some kind of infection. So anyway, it got up to 99.3 which I guess would equal 100.3 for a normal person? Luckily, I was able to get an appointment at our family doctor though it was not with the doctor but her physician’s assistant. The did a urinalysis, which came back with a few white cells, and sent me home with a Rx for Cipro.

I took the Cipro for three days and I was still running around a 100.3 temp, not to mention my ears were ringing like crazy and my eyes were burning. I called the doctors office and told them what was going on and they told me to quit taking the Cipro and called me in a Rx for Microbid. By this time it was almost the weekend, they told me to go to the emergency room if the temp got any worse or if I was feeling worse. It took until that Sunday night before I was back down to almost my normal temp. So, that Monday morning I called and got an appointment with the “doctor”. She redid the urinalysis and this time it was completely normal but, my temp was going back up again. She told me to stay on the new anti-biotic and see the OB/GYN to see if possible my bladder was falling and causing all of this? Luckily, I had suspected the bladder falling and had already made an appointment with yet a new OB/GYN and it was later this same day. She also sent me home with the following; pro-biotic, digestive enzymes and a omega-3. I took one of the omega-3 that night and then one the following morning. Within 30 minutes or so of taking the second omega-3, my ears were itching and I was itching from head to toe. I have taken omega-3’s before with out any problem but, I looked on the bottle and these have pharmaceutical strength “fish oils”. I am highly allergic to iodine, fish and shellfish! So, I called the doctors office and the directed me to take Benadryl. It wound up taking all day and that night to get the allergic reaction to stop.

I get to the new OB/GYN and one of his first questions was, “why are you on all of these medications?” At this point he had not seen all of my crazy diagnosis’. He checked my bladder and didn’t seem to think that it was falling (much less anything else) but, could not explain the fever, kidney’s or the blood sugar issue. I asked him about all of the other OB/GYN’s telling me that I needed a hysterectomy for various falling issues and he said that while I did not need a hysterectomy now that I would in the next ten years or so… He did want to do an endometrial biopsy (EMB) to rule out endometrial cancer. This due to my history with cancer, my mother having breast cancer twice and a family history of endometriosis. We scheduled the EMB for the following week.

In between all of this going on, I get a letter from the social security judge and my attorney. The judge turned me down for social security benefits’ and then my attorney refused to file the appeal for me. All of this caused me to have one of my worst anxiety attacks in the past two years. This was only second to when my mother passed away, that one was a big one, not the biggest but I will save that for another post. I couldn’t breath, I thought that I was going to pass out, I was nauseous and a major hot flash. Anyway, I don’t think that the judge addressed all of my issues much less all of my “social security approved” issues. Had I never had an anxiety attack, I think that this would have brought one on! I mean come on, how many people that are not chronically sick go to the doctor 10 out of 12 months of the year? I think that it is a safe bet to say, ZERO! I am trying to find a new attorney now to file the appeal for me, I will keep you posted on this.

I told my husband about the biopsy and the social security mess. He assured me that everything would work out with the social security and told me that he would go with me to the biopsy. I told him that I was a big girl and could go by myself but he insisted that he was going with me. The biopsy wasn’t as bad as I thought that it would be but, I am glad that he went with me. More than likely the biopsy will turn out normal but, the idea of having yet another cancer terrifies me. Endometrial cancer unlike follicular thyroid cancer, you don’t just cut it out and take one radioactive iodine pill and be done with it. This time I could have to deal with chemo and radiation. Even though, I have one of the best oncologist in Dallas (he also saved my husbands life when he almost died from stage IV Hodgkin’s lymphoma), I really would rather not have to go though chemo and radiation. I really could not ask for a better husband. He is my best friend and very supportive. I am sure that he gets tired of all of my freakiness at times but, he is always there to take care of me. I really do appreciate that, I don‘t think that I could deal with all of this without his support. Next week I get the results of the biopsy so, I am really not looking forward to the results. More and more added stress.

Now back to the main topic of this post, Anxiety… While I don’t think that anxiety is the cause of all of my problems, I do think that the stress of constantly being sick, the doctors not really being able to pinpoint the cause of my autoimmune issues, etc. All of this just adds to my anxiety issues. Not to mention, I can tend to be a bit of a control freak. Not the typical control freak but, if I feel that I have no control of a situation I wind up having an anxiety attack. After looking at the WebMD page on anxiety, the main symptom that jumped out at me was “fear of dying” this never entered my mind before loosing my mother. Not that I think that I am going to die, it is more the fear of leaving my children behind. I was 39 when I lost my mother, that was hard enough. I would never want to put my children though that and I guess that is my biggest fear.

I am still hopeful that the biopsy will turn out negative and I will be able to get the social security decision reversed. I will let you know about the biopsy next week. I have several doctors appointments so, I am sure that I will be posting several (that is as long as I am not completely wiped out). But, the social security will be whenever……

Writers Block/Brain Fog ~ I've Been Tagged

Susie over at Soul-To-Soul aka my sister Stevie Ray Vaughan junkie recently tagged me. Now I am supposed to list either six boring or quirky things about me. Then pick some other bloggers to continue the circle. I usually don't like being tagged but, since it is Susie, I will play along. Hopefully this will help with my brain fog/writers block?

1. Like Susie, I thought that school was a social event, who knew that it wasn't =) I did pass most of the classes that I really liked with A's and B's but, the rest...were by the skin of my teeth. I also passed this on to my daughter (genetically) her kindergarten teacher called me the first week of school and told me that "your daughter talks entirely too much!" Needless (and proud) to say, my daughter graduated in the top 25% of her 5A rated class. It took her until her Jr. year of high school to get above a "N" on her conduct grade.
2. My wonderful husband looks like Johnny Depp’s older blue eyed brother.
3. I am an Aquarian who attracts Cancer’s but, I prefer June Cancer’s over the July variety.
4. If my husband and I had been born in the late 40’s to early 50’s and not the 60’s we would have been complete flower power hippies.
5. I have an eclectic collection of music (Blues, Rock, Reggie. R&B, Metal and yes even some Country) but, at heart I am a metal head.
6. I am not a big on sports but…I do love a good Hockey game and you can even through in a fight or even a game with a bunch of fouls so that they get thrown into the penalty box. Don’t get me wrong though, I am in no way “a Hockey mom with lipstick.” I just like to go to the games.
   

Now for my blogger picks, Angelika, What Does This Song Mean To Me?, My Autism Insights, The Best Parts, Just Breezie and Stop Apathy Now.

What Kind Of Billionaire Would You Be?

Today, I found this on Angelika's Other Blog
she is an Investor. Turns out that I am a philanthropist. I never thought of it that way but, I have always wanted to set up a non-profit to help parents of autistic and other disabled children get all of the help that they truly deserve. Then, I would give money to various researchers to come up with a cure (ie. Brest Cancer, Autism, Parkinson's, Alzheimer's, Fibromyalgia and others.

What would you do with your money?

What are you and what would you do???

Update To My Last Thyroid Post

Back on the 15th, I did a post on Under Diagnosed Thyroid Disorders ~ Learning Disabilities ~ Fibromyalgia. Since then I have been back to the endocrinologist (I have to go ever three months to check on the cancer). First we went over my labs, which were the best that they have been in years! My white count usually runs between 12 and 14 but, this time it was 9.7. Vitamin D and Calcium are finally normal too. My T4 was a little high but, for the first time since my youngest was born I am starting to loose weight! Yea!!! So, she is leaving me on the Synthroid dose that I am on unless I loose 5 more pounds. Best of all my TSH was 0.005, normally this would not be good but for a thyroid cancer patient it is really good. Your TSH level comes from what your pituitary gland thinks that your thyroid is doing.
Next we talked about my youngest with prior low thyroid levels. The endo said that due to the strong family history of thyroid problems, my thyroid cancer and my great-grandmother’s thyroid cancer that we do need to monitor him very closely and treat if he is low. She also said that with all of the family history, he has a greater risk of developing Hashimoto’s. Hashimoto’s or Hashi is an auto-immune disease that makes your thyroid attack itself. Ahhh, not what a mother (with auto-immune issues herself) wanted to hear. So, the next week I took him to our family physician and she ran all of the thyroid tests including the antibody test for Hashi. Luckily, his levels were up since the last time we checked and he was negative for the Hashi. We will just have to keep an eye on him from now on.
While we were there, I got a prescription for Chantix. I have tried everything to quit smoking. Now, on my 4th day on Chantix I am still smoking but cut back to 15 per day and the urge to smoke is not as great. One thing that I have learned about Chantix is you really need to eat before you take it. The first day, I just had a snack and it really made my stomach upset. It also makes me a little sleepy, hopefully that will go away soon. I have also heard from other users that it will make you have strange dreams. I have had some but, nothing to bizarre.
Let me know if you have tried Chantix and how it worked for you.

A Mothers View On Autism And Michael Savage

Last night, I had trouble sleeping so I came down to watch some TV. While flipping through 500+ channels of nothing, I came across the Larry King show. Midway through the show, the topic was on Michael Savage on Autism Fraud. I had never heard of Michael Savage, he is a conservative talk radio host. On his July edition of his show he claimed that autism is “a fraud, a racket.” Well, being a mother of an autistic child, this did not help my sleep issue one bit! Here is a clip from the show.



Clearly, he does not have a child or close family member with autism. Here is one of his quotes that I found on MediaMatters.org among other sources. Autism is “a fraud, a racket. …I’ll tell you what autism is. In 99 percent of the cases, it’s a brat who hasn’t been told to cut the act out. That’s what autism is. What do you mean that they scream and they’re silent? They don’t have a father around to tell them, ‘Don’t act like a moron. You’ll get nowhere in life. Stop acting like a putz. Straighten up. Act like a man. Don’t sit there crying and screaming, idiot.’” This reminds me of a time when I was pregnant with my youngest and I was the grocery store with my daughter and my autistic son. I had been working all day (I was still working full-time then) and the kids had been at the sitters. I avoided taking my son to the grocery store whenever possible, he did not like going and almost always had a meltdown of some sort. My husband was working on a project; otherwise he would have been watching him. Looking back, I think that it was either the lights or the humming of the refrigerator cases that set him off? Anyway, back to the grocery store. Almost as soon as we got in the store, he started throwing a fit. Since we had to get some groceries, we tried to ignore it and just get done what needed to be done. When we were just about finished shopping we were stopped by a man (a redneck in every since of the word), he looked at me and said “It looks like someone needs their britches busted!” I was completely taken off guard. Completely irritated with the entire situation and not to mention pregnant and hormonal, I did something that I shouldn’t have but…I did. I looked at him, pointed my finger directly in his redneck face and said “You…need to mind your own damn business!!!” His first reaction was just a dumb shocked look on his face, like lady I know you just didn’t tell me off. Then, he looks at my daughter and says “no wonder he acts like that.” I had never done that before and I haven’t done it since. But it seems to me that this redneck and Michael Savage are cut from the same cloth… Below is a clip of his show.



This one is from a later show.



In one of the clips he says that this is some kind of racket for funding for social services (such as Medicaid) and extra services in school. As long as our son was living with us, he never got any extra services our private medical insurance and our money paid for everything. As far as school goes…that debate is still up in the air since Texas school are one of the worst as far as Special Education goes. Then he goes on about how now autism is not just autism any more that it is now called “autism spectrum disorders.” Well, here is the definition of ASD’s from the National Institute of Mental Health.

Now, do I think that there are children over diagnosed with autism and other disorders? Yes, I do but I also believe that there are just as many if not more under diagnosed with autism. It wasn’t until my son was 7-years-old before he was diagnosed with autism. It is not that he wasn’t autistic before that; he just wasn’t the typical non-verbal autistic that is the “Kanner autistic.” He has always been autistic. “Normal” babies do not need to be tightly wrapped in a blanket (like they do in the hospital), put in a swing (without the swing being turned on) and then a vacuum cleaner be turned on for him to go to sleep. That is not something that a non-autistic parent would ever have to do. Most babies would rather be cuddled and rocked to sleep. My view is that people like the redneck in the grocery store, Michael Savage and others like them just, need to shut up about things that they know nothing about!